Things That Went Wrong
by kei-v3
Summary: Where did he fail? What was the variable that made success improbable in any of his simulations? This series would follow the rest of episodes with HaruEru overlays. What-if canon. Will possibly be rated M. Spoiler for episode 20.


_**Warning: **__Spoiler for recent episodes, esp. 20th. Un-beta-ed._

_**Disclaimer: **__I own nothing about Kakumeiki Valvrave. (I wish at least I can have official guide or BD discs or light novel but nooo I have nothing.) Original prompt came from __**Tina427**__ but it's not yet fulfilled in this chapter._

_A/N: Hello. Sorry for writing for this instead of "Between The Lines", I need to finish it before the new episode is coming, because this will follow the rest of those episodes. This can be read as an indirect sequel to __**Things That Reluctantly Changed**__, (previously titled "Alluring Shift"). _

_Enjoy!_

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ハルエル

* * *

What could've possibly gone wrong?

L-elf spent hours and hours and maybe days haunted by the soft voice calling his name melodiously, always with a sigh, as if repenting, as if reminsicing, as if stripping layers upon layers of his mind that rapidly descended into the darkness. Darkness which embraced him harshly, unwillingly, as his fingers scratched the black marker into the wall – _walls_, really – so hard until it was squeaking. Still methodical even in this state of mind, his mind still functional, as he scratched little of what empty space left in the walls, just a panel in front of him, because it was his habit. Because he was drilled into being methodical. Because he was a soldier. Still one.

"The timing to rescue her. The method of getting out of the tower. Buying time until Tokishima Haruto arrived..."

And there it was again, the nagging frustration clawing his chest inside out, telling him that something, _something_ must have been out of his calculation. But he couldn't dig it out of his memories. Flashes of moments fluttered behind his eyelids, but nothing, _nothing _indicated what could possibly go wrong that night. Just what could have possibly gone wrong? "No... No, it's wrong...!" L-elf's head thudded into the steel wall of the rocket's storage room. Not even after they arrived at the moon that he took a single step out of that room. He cringed as if the thud was painful, but it wasn't.

It _should_ be painful. He survived. He lived. He had gone to Dorssia and returned again, even with those JIORian students he was all too prepared to sacrifice if a call required him to. Even Rukino Saki's separation was well within his plan, though he couldn't care less whether she returned or not. Because nothing else, _no one else _mattered. It was all for her. His plan, his heart, his life, they were all for _her_. And yet she was the only one he didn't bring back! _Lieselotte_...!

"No matter what, I couldn't save her..." His eyes burned, even clutching the eyelids did nothing to soothe them. But even at this moment, he couldn't cry. He couldn't. He could only revisited his plans, rethinking his calculations, thinking of a slight change of plan, something, anything, just a streak of hopeful light that she could possibly survive within all the mess last night. Could she possibly survive at his expense?

The only reason why he could win over Cain was because he had the element of surprise. He hadn't planned them to go that far, using the road as emergency lane. And if he hadn't thought that far, Cain couldn't have thought that far either. But Q-vier with his Kirschbaum unit would still be there no matter what, and there was no better timing for the rocket to launch. Unit could barely move from the danger of overheating and the hydrogen tank where Q-vier hit landed was too far from where the Valvrave units were stationed.

Tokishima Haruto said he had returned for L-elf because Lieselotte reminded him. If Tokishima Haruto didn't save him and stayed at the rocket, he could've endured all tortures he would get after being caught. He would be prepared to die. But then what would his _Licht_ do? Tokishima Haruto said that she only followed L-elf because otherwise, he wouldn't escape. Not without her. Then he predicted, if he was caught, she would have returned and traded her life with his if possible. He was disposable. She wasn't.

And why, just _why_ couldn't he think of a possibility that she might just survive? L-elf didn't see her last moments, she could be out there, _somewhere_, waiting for him to come and take her away from her cage. And yet this heavy feeling, _heavy _ocean-deepsinking feeling of hopelessness like his heart dropped dead cold on the floor and trampled by a thousand dragons, kept denying his _wish_. As if something wouldn't let him drowning himself in the wallowing sadness and could only push himself to write, to scratch, to think, to _do_ something other than giving up.

But how could he? _How could he?! _ Lieselotte was the girl, the woman he loved. No matter how bizarre it might sound to the world, no matter how foolish he thought of himself, _he loved her_. And what were those story books, depicting A-drei-like princelings with their princesses in distress telling him, many years ago, about love and romance? About true love? When he knew, he _felt_ that Lieselotte was gone, why did he keep moving on? Why did he keep calculating?

His mind was sucking life out of him, but never letting him get tired enough to forget everything.

He wished he could've just stopped thinking already. It was tiring. His brain was never letting him stopping long enough to go under. Under the consciousness level. Deeper. Sooner. Like how he should've come sooner or later to the tower, and maybe then Lieselotte would still be in that room. If he could be stronger... If he could ride a Valvrave...! If only he was more patient and leave her alone for now, until he had an utter and complete victory in this war.

But when could it possibly happen?

Never before he realized his stature of merely being a 17-year old boy, the same age as that naive Tokishima Haruto. Never before that the fact hit him so hard, reminding his helpless place as a one-man army. One-man, which meant that he was all alone. Against a country and all the power behind it. He had no anchor anymore. No meaning in life. No purpose. No _licht_.

"The only conclusion that awaits... is darkness."

* * *

Haruto found his feet brought him to the storage room inside the rocket.

He had requested the others not to turn off the engine for air circulation, because L-elf was still inside, closing himself in from outside world, shunning everyone else from coming near, until Haruto. Haruto had to come close once when he brought spare clothes and first aid kit, aiding L-elf to remove the bullet wounds from his body. The sight was gore, and after the outburst the previously stoic strategist showed before – screaming Lieselotte's name, managed to drag his own body almost out of the rocket in that condition until held back by Haruto, Inuzuka-senpai, and Yamada-kun – no one else dared to approach him. Haruto had taken the initiative because the ex-Dorssian was not a Kamitsuki; those wounds would be the death of him if being infected.

The silver-haired male wasn't showing any care, but he did let Haruto came close, stripping his wet, dirty, bloody clothes, and tending his wounds. Haruto was sloppy in applying the medications, but he had followed Nanami-sensei's class in the school when New JIOR was freshly formed, and he managed to take out the bullets out of L-elf's body with a help from AI in the first-aid kit box. Even though L-elf had been silent all the time, he did shift when Haruto needed to access a spot to tend his wounds.

The move was probably done unconsciously, but Haruto was glad. At least L-elf's body was still willing to live. Haruto remembered on the revenge-seeking outburst he had when he thought Shoko was dead. He was worried, he was scared for L-elf and this silent treatment.

When he finished, put several sleeping bags on the floor if L-elf wanted to use them to rest on, his spare clothes which sadly wasn't including underwears, and stood up.

Suddenly L-elf gripped his arm, and Haruto cringed from the pain. He addressed the other male, who shouted at him, "Markers! Give me markers!" Haruto paled, didn't understand what they were for. He told L-elf that he didn't think they have those in the rocket, and the other roughly released his arm. Still, Haruto retuned later after asking around to find nothing, when L-elf was already clothed again.

Right now, he returned, again, to the rocket's storage room. He hesitated, still did. It was hard to approach L-elf again, after what had happened dawning on Haruto. Everyone was busy coming home, celebrating, and mourning over Marie's death. Even when they first arrived at the rocket, where L-elf was shouting a foreign name that they didn't recognize, they let him be. They thought it was good to let someone be alone when mourning, especially if the mourned wasn't someone they knew.

But Haruto... He had heard L-elf mentioning something about "another Valvrave light" when they were alone in the cockpit of Valvrave unit 01. Haruto had been too focused about reaching the rocket to notice what was wrong then, but it must have been the pink-haired princess. She was Magius, and it was the same light that Cain radiated when he stood on thin air in their previous encounters.

The light must be her.

And Haruto, by saving L-elf and not watching over her as he had promised, had failed the silver-haired male in the worst way possible. So how could he have the heart to come in, requesting L-elf to lend his power one more time in this war? There was no longer a reason for him to.

Still, he came here.

"L-elf? You're inside, right? I'm by myself," he said after knocking the old metal door. Funny how he sounded normal regardless of how he felt. Something painful tugged at the string of his heart. It was suffocating, making him almost hard to breathe. It was something akin to a broken heart.

"I'm coming in."

* * *

L-elf had been lying on the floor for a while now. He didn't have the will to do much else anymore, even though his mind was still running amok and refusing to rest. He felt almost like trapped within himself. Non-obtrusive sounds went by unnoticed, but he squeezed his eyelids shut tighter when the light was suddenly turned on.

Then he heard a gasp.

It must be Tokishima Haruto. Really, the _last_ person he wanted to see right now. Or ever.

At least, he was supposed to feel that way, so why couldn't he stop his mouth from blabbering? "I couldn't save her in any simulation," he found himself saying, and instantly, his pride crumbled. Not that he cared anything about pride right now, but L-elf found himself whining. He didn't whine. Never did. And wouldn't be in front of anyone. So why did he do it now? To Tokishima Haruto? It was as if he wanted to rely on the brunet. As if he looked for help. But he didn't.

He mustn't.

"Get out. There's nothing you can do," he said in resignation.

His mind couldn't stop thinking and calculating, and L-elf didn't need his heart to start wondering and feeling. The room returned to darkness, as well as himself.

* * *

Haruto stared at the ceiling in his bedroom. He couldn't sleep. And the lack of soft breathing coming from the bed below his own was hugely distracting. That storage room couldn't be comfortable. He wished L-elf could bring himself to go to this dorm where they shared the room, and get some rest on a comfortable bed.

"Don't leave any regrets," Inuzuka-senpai had said when they talked on the rooftop garden earlier tonight. Haruto was moved by that sentence, because other than anyone else, Senpai's words were weighed by truth and experience. _Aina-chan..._

But why was it that he couldn't bring himself to want to move forward with Shoko? They were in the middle of a war, and there were so many things to do, he told himself. He didn't want to burden her. No, he didn't want to tell her the truth about his ugly self.

He had convinced Lieselotte-san to think again about rejecting L-elf, because surely, they could find a way to be together. But somehow, Haruto couldn't apply his words to himself. Not with the death of the princess. If L-elf couldn't be happy with her, then, as irrational it was, Haruto felt he couldn't be happy either. Not with Shoko.

He blinked his eyes in surprise. Even when Shoko approached him earlier, he couldn't quite focus on her. She had offered him comfort, good news, and a gentle smile, but his mind kept wandering somewhere else. What was this? Had his feelings... changed?

If he couldn't will himself to be happy with Shoko, then... who did he want to be happy with?

* * *

ハルエル

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_A/N: Thank you for reading until the end! :3 Thank you, also, for bearing through monologues in the beginning. If you come to read this, HaruEru is most likely your OTP, but I don't want to belittle L-elf's feelings towards Lieselotte. And Haruto's is necessary to fill the blanks that I cannot just leave alone. Also there's a doujin sketch-like in pixiv that tackles this scene as well! OvO/ Visit __**fuicchi*tumblr*com**__ to take a look at all the HaruEru goodness. And doujins. And doujin translations. _

_Time was cut short, so I must end this part in these silly monologues, but I promise next chapter would be filled with more interactions. We'd just have to see how next episode goes tonight haha. _

_As always, reviews will be most appreciated. _


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